Normality and Existential Crisis

There are times in life that you realize that you realize that you probably are not the genius that defines the era or a genius that contributes amazingly to one field or (lets face it) a genius at all.

Being a person who was tagged as smart by various institutions as a child , it is very hard for me to cope with the fact that my intelligence is above average at the best.

This poses two types of problems(problems that I am in no way prepared to handle, mind you)

1.From childhood being tagged as smart, kind of limited the number of things I’d try as a child to find myself and ultimately result in me no hobbies could be later developed into talents. As I was smart ( And I liked to read and know stuff then) I figured that my path will be sorted out easily as  I will excel in one of the academic courses I would take and from there it’ll go.

RESULT:  I have no hobbies or no real talents and literally no idea what to do with my average intelligence.

2.As I am sure most of you are thinking, being average isnt so bad! Opportunities will come your way and then if you work hard there isn’t anything that you can do. What people don’t understand is that after a certain age you can’t just pick up anything. You need at least a vague definition of what is it that you want to do. There is the question of sustaining oneself of course but there is also a lot of judgement and anxiety and added responsibility that you just don’t consider when you are younger.

3.This frequently poses as an existential crisis. I start to think that if I am not able to apply myself to doing anything worthwhile then what is the point of living like a simpleton.(At this point a stupid voice in my head says if no one lives like a simpleton how will people know the special ones? which is later thankfully silenced by another which goes like WHY MUST WE BE THE SIMPLETON!?!?!)

(Wow! Look at that I started with 2 problems but by time I was done there were 3.Is this an epitome for my life or what??)

It leads to a lot of sad thoughts sometimes stretching as far me considering if I am wasting the resources which are given to me(LIKE FREAKING OXYGEN) and could be applied to someone more worthy.

My point is that I wish that there was some test or anything that could tell you what you like from an early age so you wouldn’t have to be midway the path to a good job and think this is not what I am supposed to do with myself.

I guess that anyone who doesn’t possess any particularly identifiable talent can relate.

If there is a creator I really wish that he wouldn’t discriminate with giving some people talents and others none.Because I can live with me not discovering my talent de to my own faults and being caught up in other shit but to know that I didn’t have any to discover either way would truly suck.

And it would be truly cruel too.